I’ve been meaning to write this post for at least a week. And I’ve been terrified of measuring myself for even longer. I haven’t worked out at all since I hurt my knee. So even though it feels better and there are multiple options for working out in my home that wouldn’t have been affected by the hurt knee, I’ve been lazy. I just wasn’t ready for that kind of setback yet. I was still getting my confidence up that I could do it. And then there’s the stress.
I wish I was talking about stress like “Oh, I have so much to do this week!” But no. I’m talking stress that makes you physically ill. I’m talking stress that makes getting out of bed seem like a feat in the morning. Not every morning. Just Sunday mornings. Basically, I have never been good at office politics. Anytime I’ve worked somewhere with a lot of gossip or power plays or anything else that comes with office politics, I haven’t lasted long. At least not without major stress. I don’t like to play games. And in the last few months, my church has been hit with a bad case of office politics. And while I know I’m not the only one struggling to get up and go to church on Sundays, it doesn’t really help. The stress is still there. Knowing that I’m not the only one actually makes it worse. If I were the only one that felt so stressed out, I could brush it off as me being too sensitive about things. Having someone else struggling just means that I’m not being too sensitive. It is a problem.
Unfortunately, my options for making a change are limited. And I don’t know if I’ll be able to at all. Which means that my husband and I have been praying about changing churches. And that comes with a whole new level of stress. We’ve been called to leadership, but if we go to a new church, it’s not like they’re going to be like “Oh, yes! We’ve been waiting for you! Here! You run our children’s ministry and you run our youth! We’re so happy you came!” At least the chances of that kind of reception are slim. I know that God does that sort of thing sometimes, but I don’t think expecting that is going to help with my stress. Because it just sets me up for disappointment if he doesn’t choose to do that.
And in the meantime, I have no idea how all the stress is affecting my waist. And I’m afraid to know. There were a couple days where the stress made it hard to eat. But more frequently, stress makes me eat. So who knows what’s going on in my measurements. Even today, though I’ve put myself up to writing this post, I couldn’t get myself motivated to measure myself. But part of me thinks waiting until next week will make the numbers nicer. I went to a women’s expo this last weekend and I found out about some free fitness classes that are going on. So tomorrow, I’m going to go to one of those. And I’m going to try to get up early Saturday morning for another class. And hopefully after that, I’ll be feeling more motivated to measure myself. So hopefully, next week will be a positive update.